Creepy guy from Hawaii sent me a postcard. He sent it to my apartment in Sac. How'd he get the address? STALKER!!!
Anyway, he enjoyd talking to me on the phone but hasn't been able to reach me since then. Hmm. I wonder why? And he wants to send me some "mula" so I can fly out there and visit him, because he has a spare bedroom. Gosh. I sware that I told him I wasn't interested in dating anyone. I really thought I said that. But now I am being stalked. I need to chage that phone number, and my address in case he ever decides to visit, and I have informed my mom that we are NEVER getting a condo on Maui. EVER.
Why me?
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
My neck feels very long and my head is sort of floating about. Why whole body feels a little strange actually. Last night I took my first sample pills of this anti-seizure medication that is suppposed to help with nerve pain. The label says not to drive until you know how it affects you. I am pretty clear on why it had that warning on it now. I am hopeful that this feeling will go away as my brain adjusts, but right now, I am realizing just how useful my GABA receptors were.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
The Cats
For the sake of being interesting, and in case any of Brian's friends check this, I will be introducing you all to my family, a little bit at a time. These are our current cats. We have had so many I can't keep track, but the coyotes have taken a big toll on the family. The current group has finally relented to staying in doors, but Sid and Radha are allowed out because they actually come back inside when called.
Siddhartha (Sid)
Sid is 9 years old. He stared at me so intently from his cage at the pound that I noticed him from 15 feet away. He tore his litter box up with frustration that he could not get to me from inside. He came home and has since become known as the best cat on the planet. Seriously. His little fangs hang out when he looks at you, and despite his mammoth size, he makes this adorable little meow when I talk to him. He loves the dogs and is afraid of no one. He is a benevolent ruler over the other cats, and none of them mess with him...ever.
Radha
Radha came home at the same time as Sid, but we don't know how old she is. We were leaving the pound when we saw a man surrendering her, still inside the kitty trap he'd used to catch her. He assured her she would never tame down and that she would grow to be bobcat sized. Alas, she let me pet her two days later and has the loudest purr. She never got any bigger either, and today is one of our smallest. She is still a little skitish around strangers and my dad, but she kicks kitty butt and has evaded the coyotes, probably because she has never fully tamed down. She loves my mom, and whenever Mom goes out of town, Radha goes outside and won't come back until she returns.
Sylvester
Sylvester also came from the pound, sick and middle aged so that no one wanted him. Mom fell in love and we added him to the family. He is a fairly irritable creature, but he loves being brushed, and paws you if you stop petting him. He had a near death experience a few years ago when he escaped from the house and tried running through the dog yard. He hated us for two months because we had to treat him and medicate him twice a day, but he made it and has decided we can live.
Hissy Fit (Hissy)
Hissy's family moved to Arizona and left her for the vet to give away. It took us about 5 minutes to figure out why. She lunged at the cage door hissing, teeth bared, and then hid for weeks. Eventually she became extremely social, and is always the first to jump on the laps of our guests, Unfortunately, we have to tell them not to touch her or make fast motions because she bites, somewhat randomly. She's taken to biting and then squinting her eyes to prepare for being whapped. She doesn't run away though. She's like the autistic kid in the class. The other cats just keep away.
DD (short for Durga's Darling, which is a longer story than the name, so we'll just stick with DD)
DD was given to my mom as a kitten, and she was fabulous friends with Sasha, another kitty that came from the pound. Sasha loved my mom and dealt with DD, and ruled the front yard until the coyotes got her. Ever since then, all the cats beat up DD and she has to scurry from room to room, hiding under the furniture along the way. She loves my mom and makes this totally weird meow when you are not paying her adequate amounts of attention. She also tries to steal the food right off your fork. But seeing as how everyone is so mean to her, we just let her be bad out of sympathy.
Sodako (Soda or Soda-Pop)
Soda is about a year old, and came to us as the most precocious 3 month old ever. She is afraid of nothing, except maybe Isaac, but secretly I think she enjoys getting beat up by him. She is loud, in your face, and totally adorable.
Sir Isaac Newton (Isaac)
Isaac was supposed to go live with my mom's friend after a month, and was one of 7 cats my mom placed for a friend. We were only going to keep Katsu because we already had too many. But of curse, he ended up being so friendly and good at killing rodents that we had to keep him, even though he does terrorize DD and occasionaly Soda. He LOVES people and I am teaching him to speak when he wants attention. Good kitty!
Katsurata (Katsu or Katsomoto, depending on who you ask in the family)
Katsu is Isaac's brother or something. We kept him because he looks cool and is pretty sweet. However, I don't imagine he is going to spend much time on our laps until he gets older. He just says hi and rubs against you as he passes by in the hallway. He likes to climb things, and eat the house plants. He also likes to sleep.
For the sake of being interesting, and in case any of Brian's friends check this, I will be introducing you all to my family, a little bit at a time. These are our current cats. We have had so many I can't keep track, but the coyotes have taken a big toll on the family. The current group has finally relented to staying in doors, but Sid and Radha are allowed out because they actually come back inside when called.
Siddhartha (Sid)
Sid is 9 years old. He stared at me so intently from his cage at the pound that I noticed him from 15 feet away. He tore his litter box up with frustration that he could not get to me from inside. He came home and has since become known as the best cat on the planet. Seriously. His little fangs hang out when he looks at you, and despite his mammoth size, he makes this adorable little meow when I talk to him. He loves the dogs and is afraid of no one. He is a benevolent ruler over the other cats, and none of them mess with him...ever.
Radha
Radha came home at the same time as Sid, but we don't know how old she is. We were leaving the pound when we saw a man surrendering her, still inside the kitty trap he'd used to catch her. He assured her she would never tame down and that she would grow to be bobcat sized. Alas, she let me pet her two days later and has the loudest purr. She never got any bigger either, and today is one of our smallest. She is still a little skitish around strangers and my dad, but she kicks kitty butt and has evaded the coyotes, probably because she has never fully tamed down. She loves my mom, and whenever Mom goes out of town, Radha goes outside and won't come back until she returns.
Sylvester
Sylvester also came from the pound, sick and middle aged so that no one wanted him. Mom fell in love and we added him to the family. He is a fairly irritable creature, but he loves being brushed, and paws you if you stop petting him. He had a near death experience a few years ago when he escaped from the house and tried running through the dog yard. He hated us for two months because we had to treat him and medicate him twice a day, but he made it and has decided we can live.
Hissy Fit (Hissy)
Hissy's family moved to Arizona and left her for the vet to give away. It took us about 5 minutes to figure out why. She lunged at the cage door hissing, teeth bared, and then hid for weeks. Eventually she became extremely social, and is always the first to jump on the laps of our guests, Unfortunately, we have to tell them not to touch her or make fast motions because she bites, somewhat randomly. She's taken to biting and then squinting her eyes to prepare for being whapped. She doesn't run away though. She's like the autistic kid in the class. The other cats just keep away.
DD (short for Durga's Darling, which is a longer story than the name, so we'll just stick with DD)
DD was given to my mom as a kitten, and she was fabulous friends with Sasha, another kitty that came from the pound. Sasha loved my mom and dealt with DD, and ruled the front yard until the coyotes got her. Ever since then, all the cats beat up DD and she has to scurry from room to room, hiding under the furniture along the way. She loves my mom and makes this totally weird meow when you are not paying her adequate amounts of attention. She also tries to steal the food right off your fork. But seeing as how everyone is so mean to her, we just let her be bad out of sympathy.
Sodako (Soda or Soda-Pop)
Soda is about a year old, and came to us as the most precocious 3 month old ever. She is afraid of nothing, except maybe Isaac, but secretly I think she enjoys getting beat up by him. She is loud, in your face, and totally adorable.
Sir Isaac Newton (Isaac)
Isaac was supposed to go live with my mom's friend after a month, and was one of 7 cats my mom placed for a friend. We were only going to keep Katsu because we already had too many. But of curse, he ended up being so friendly and good at killing rodents that we had to keep him, even though he does terrorize DD and occasionaly Soda. He LOVES people and I am teaching him to speak when he wants attention. Good kitty!
Katsurata (Katsu or Katsomoto, depending on who you ask in the family)
Katsu is Isaac's brother or something. We kept him because he looks cool and is pretty sweet. However, I don't imagine he is going to spend much time on our laps until he gets older. He just says hi and rubs against you as he passes by in the hallway. He likes to climb things, and eat the house plants. He also likes to sleep.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Today was a holiday at the Ashram. The birthday of my guru's guru, Baba. We had a lovely day chanting and Gurudev read to us from one of Baba's books. We had lasagne and cheesecake, and the garden theme was The Ocean, with little fishes and blue table clothes because our guru helps us cross the ocean of wordliness. It's good to be home. Then we watched a scene from Boston Legal and decided that snack cakes with crushed beetles and motor oil probably aren't good for us. Gurudev is into health, and he likes Boston Legal. I think it's pretty cool the stuff we do at "church".
I taked to my friend Modesto (Dusty) who has his own jazz band. He plays the trumpet very well, and sometimes tours Europe where people think he is gay because of his black t-shirts. He told me some good artists to try listening to, and I asked him what he knew about Michael Buble. He knows several people in the band, as it turns out, and said he will get me back stage the next time they come to town. Sweet! He also wants me to pick a song and come practice with his band so I can sing at one of their gigs. I am a wimp, but I just may have to do it for the sake of meeting Michael. Dusty wants to steal his logo, because they have the same initials. I am pretty sure that's a violation of trademark law or something, but I didn't say anything because, well, you know. I didn't wanna seem too weird. Perhaps I should have thought of this sooner.
I taked to my friend Modesto (Dusty) who has his own jazz band. He plays the trumpet very well, and sometimes tours Europe where people think he is gay because of his black t-shirts. He told me some good artists to try listening to, and I asked him what he knew about Michael Buble. He knows several people in the band, as it turns out, and said he will get me back stage the next time they come to town. Sweet! He also wants me to pick a song and come practice with his band so I can sing at one of their gigs. I am a wimp, but I just may have to do it for the sake of meeting Michael. Dusty wants to steal his logo, because they have the same initials. I am pretty sure that's a violation of trademark law or something, but I didn't say anything because, well, you know. I didn't wanna seem too weird. Perhaps I should have thought of this sooner.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
So I joined Dr. Weil's e-group the other day in a fleeting moment of concern for my health, and now he sends me nice recipes and yoga postures to try. I just got the second yoga posture yesterday, and it was announced as the one of the most challenging. My first thought was that Dr. Weil was on crack, because the first pose he sent me, downward facing dog, is absolutely impossible. Seriously, my butt stuck in the air and I had no clue what the directions intended for me to do to get in the same shape as the girl in the picture. I may even have pulled something. So how am I, who hasn't even gotten to develop my skills by practising the first pose, suppose to be able to master the most challenging pose? However, it turns out that despite my inability to do the downward facing dog, I am able to do the most challenging, and I feel a deep sense of inner satisfaction, as though all my lifetimes of spiritual seeking have paid off, because I have been doing the pose my entire life. Clearly, I am going to be realized any day now. This is a sign.
The Corpse Pose:
The Corpse Pose:
I seem to be studying at geologic speed today. I have barely gotten anything done even though I swear I worked for 3 hours this morning. Then I took this long procrastinatory nap, and now I can't get restarted. My K outline for second semester is 50 pages, which may be most of my problem. Seriously, what was I thinking?!
I don't want to go outside but my apartment is depressing me. It is a disaster and there are many dishes to do, trash to go out, clothes to pack. I still haven't been able to get pacific.net to speak to me so I may not be able to register come next week. I e-mailed Dean Crain, so we'll see what she has to say. Kwami wants to study K flashcards tonight, but if I haven't finished going over the outline I will not be allowed to have fun with flashcards.
I am distracted and weary, and I want to go home, but not really. I just want it to be the middle of the semester again, back when I had motivation and was caught up in the day-to-day. I have a meeting with a criminal lawyer on Monday, and I have no idea what I am going to ask him because I don't want to be a criminal lawyer. I am sure he knows a lot of things that would be useful and beneficial for me to know, but then, I have to figure out how to get him on that topic, whatever it is.
I am sad because my cute blog post from yesterday was erased by my erratic internet connection. I am sad because I have run out of food that I don't have to cook, and yet I have too much to eat before Satuday afternoon when I head home.
Hmm. I guess I'm better just study K until I can't take it anymore, and then I'll study it some more. I know. You feel my pain. Thanks guys.
I don't want to go outside but my apartment is depressing me. It is a disaster and there are many dishes to do, trash to go out, clothes to pack. I still haven't been able to get pacific.net to speak to me so I may not be able to register come next week. I e-mailed Dean Crain, so we'll see what she has to say. Kwami wants to study K flashcards tonight, but if I haven't finished going over the outline I will not be allowed to have fun with flashcards.
I am distracted and weary, and I want to go home, but not really. I just want it to be the middle of the semester again, back when I had motivation and was caught up in the day-to-day. I have a meeting with a criminal lawyer on Monday, and I have no idea what I am going to ask him because I don't want to be a criminal lawyer. I am sure he knows a lot of things that would be useful and beneficial for me to know, but then, I have to figure out how to get him on that topic, whatever it is.
I am sad because my cute blog post from yesterday was erased by my erratic internet connection. I am sad because I have run out of food that I don't have to cook, and yet I have too much to eat before Satuday afternoon when I head home.
Hmm. I guess I'm better just study K until I can't take it anymore, and then I'll study it some more. I know. You feel my pain. Thanks guys.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I just found out that it's gonna cost me $100 dollars to get my mail sent to me over the summer because they can't do a hold for longer than 30 days.
I realized last night that I didn't write or bubble in my exam number on my Torts scantron. The office said they check, so I may be safe, but I may also have just given away a whole letter grade in that class. Why do I always do this to myself?
My exam last night sucked. I have absolutely no idea how I did. I may well have gotten half the multiple choice Q's wrong. My second essay was a rambling mess with few clear statements of law. I think a few more hours of studying would have helped with the essay, but not with the multiple choice. I don't know what happened there. They just know how to write the hardest Q's ever.
I have a ton of property to go over today, but now I know I have to do better in that class and K to make up for Crim and Torts. Ugg. I am tired and want a nap. I can't wait to go home, but I am totally not ready. I need time to clean and pack. I need to return stuff at the mall. I need to get my mom a mother's day gift. I need to meditate because my mind is a mess right now.
I still don't know what to do about Stephanie, but she is leaving the Chancellor with someone else for the summer so now even that excuse to talk to her is gone. And I am lacking the will to add more stress to my finals week. Maybe things will be clearer in August. I think it has just been a rough year.
This summer, I am going to scout out future job opportunities and write two op-eds to try and get published. I am going to read a few novels, and then I am going to run around England. It should be fabulous but there is a bit of a cloud hanging over me right now, so I am not as excited as I should be. I don't know what I really want from my life. I don't know what I expect from others or myself. I don't know what to work on in me. I am angry that my back is so bad right now, and that my last epidural didn't do anything. I am traumatized about having no insurance next year. I need to lose 20 pounds and kick my food addiction once and for all. I need clarity, focus, self-control, and the ability to let things go. I need to see Dailey and Rina. I need to see Gurudev all summer...
I realized last night that I didn't write or bubble in my exam number on my Torts scantron. The office said they check, so I may be safe, but I may also have just given away a whole letter grade in that class. Why do I always do this to myself?
My exam last night sucked. I have absolutely no idea how I did. I may well have gotten half the multiple choice Q's wrong. My second essay was a rambling mess with few clear statements of law. I think a few more hours of studying would have helped with the essay, but not with the multiple choice. I don't know what happened there. They just know how to write the hardest Q's ever.
I have a ton of property to go over today, but now I know I have to do better in that class and K to make up for Crim and Torts. Ugg. I am tired and want a nap. I can't wait to go home, but I am totally not ready. I need time to clean and pack. I need to return stuff at the mall. I need to get my mom a mother's day gift. I need to meditate because my mind is a mess right now.
I still don't know what to do about Stephanie, but she is leaving the Chancellor with someone else for the summer so now even that excuse to talk to her is gone. And I am lacking the will to add more stress to my finals week. Maybe things will be clearer in August. I think it has just been a rough year.
This summer, I am going to scout out future job opportunities and write two op-eds to try and get published. I am going to read a few novels, and then I am going to run around England. It should be fabulous but there is a bit of a cloud hanging over me right now, so I am not as excited as I should be. I don't know what I really want from my life. I don't know what I expect from others or myself. I don't know what to work on in me. I am angry that my back is so bad right now, and that my last epidural didn't do anything. I am traumatized about having no insurance next year. I need to lose 20 pounds and kick my food addiction once and for all. I need clarity, focus, self-control, and the ability to let things go. I need to see Dailey and Rina. I need to see Gurudev all summer...
Monday, May 08, 2006
Faaabulous Daaling. And you?
What a nice weekend. I feel refreshed. I feel like me again. I feel hopeful and optimistic. I have a smile on my face that might actually be an uncontrolable grin. *sigh* And I got no where near enough studying done so I have about 6 hours to cram the rest of crim law into my brain. I'll let you know if it was worth it once I see my grade in that class in July.
What a nice weekend. I feel refreshed. I feel like me again. I feel hopeful and optimistic. I have a smile on my face that might actually be an uncontrolable grin. *sigh* And I got no where near enough studying done so I have about 6 hours to cram the rest of crim law into my brain. I'll let you know if it was worth it once I see my grade in that class in July.
Friday, May 05, 2006
This morning after my land-line phone rang 20 times, stopped and then started up again, i decided it might not be a telemarketer, so I drug my weary butt out of bed and answered it. It was Louie, this guy I really don't know, but he used to go to my church and he watched me grow up I guess. He's 50 or something. Apparently, he decided that he is supposed to marry be because we believe in the same things (which I highly doubt) and so he's been trying to track me down for about 2 years, from Hawaii, where he lives. He once called my parents to ask them permission to date me. They said no. Then, he sent a really weird post card to which I most certainly did not respond. Later he called and left another message, which I found by accident and needless to say did not answer. And then today, because some person from church gave him my number, he called me and let the phone ring 20 times, hung up, and then called again. He wanted to know if he had a shot, I guess. He asked why he'd never heard back. I said I didn't know what to say, and that I was doing the celebate yogi thing and pointed out that he lives in Hawaii. I didn't mention that he's 20+ years older than me, a stalker who doesn't even know me, and that the odds of me dating him ranked somewhere between winning the lottery and the chance that I'll live to see the sun become a red giant and engulf the earth. He chatted for a while and I was almost free and clear before he said, "well, maybe I'll call you again sometime." Great. So I am officially never answering my land line again.
Then I went to track down my friend to appoligize for a little discussion that got way out of hand, and found that she'd posted it on her blog and gotten our other friends involved. Then I fumed and ranted in my apartment, and decided I wasn't much in the mood to appoligize anymore, so I went back to bed where I sort of slept and sort of stressed out for an hour and a half. And then I did my best to study. I called my mom 4 times before she finally got home. She calmed me down. I also watched an episode of Law & Order, 2 Without a Traces, and 2 Mediums while I typed up attack sheets for my exam tomorrow. I did my best to eat everything in my refrigerator. I talked to Lisa, and it was nice to be known. I feel so lost here lately. Like no one gets me; like I can't be me. I am tired of blending in. I am sure it will pass, but right now I am just so tired. I miss you Dailey, Rina, Amber, Bree, Lisa, David, Mom, Dad, Gurudev, Sid and Soda and all the gatos. I miss the Posse at lunch time. I miss being in meetings and feeling like people respected what I could do. I miss the crazy "cool" kids coming by and tormenting me after school. I miss making a difference.
I am going home tomorrow to spend some time with people who know me and actually don't make me feel like a monster or a mother on a daily basis. I am going to study, and have homemade Indian food with a bunch of happy people. I am going to study some more and then have coffee with Sven, the most beautiful, intelligent, and sketchily moral guy I know. I imagine I'll have a crush on him by the end, but that he'll leave disappointed. I imagine it will be fun anyway. I imagine I'll feel refreshed when I come home to watch Grey's Anatomy on Sunday night, my favorite show. But then, who really knows?
Then I went to track down my friend to appoligize for a little discussion that got way out of hand, and found that she'd posted it on her blog and gotten our other friends involved. Then I fumed and ranted in my apartment, and decided I wasn't much in the mood to appoligize anymore, so I went back to bed where I sort of slept and sort of stressed out for an hour and a half. And then I did my best to study. I called my mom 4 times before she finally got home. She calmed me down. I also watched an episode of Law & Order, 2 Without a Traces, and 2 Mediums while I typed up attack sheets for my exam tomorrow. I did my best to eat everything in my refrigerator. I talked to Lisa, and it was nice to be known. I feel so lost here lately. Like no one gets me; like I can't be me. I am tired of blending in. I am sure it will pass, but right now I am just so tired. I miss you Dailey, Rina, Amber, Bree, Lisa, David, Mom, Dad, Gurudev, Sid and Soda and all the gatos. I miss the Posse at lunch time. I miss being in meetings and feeling like people respected what I could do. I miss the crazy "cool" kids coming by and tormenting me after school. I miss making a difference.
I am going home tomorrow to spend some time with people who know me and actually don't make me feel like a monster or a mother on a daily basis. I am going to study, and have homemade Indian food with a bunch of happy people. I am going to study some more and then have coffee with Sven, the most beautiful, intelligent, and sketchily moral guy I know. I imagine I'll have a crush on him by the end, but that he'll leave disappointed. I imagine it will be fun anyway. I imagine I'll feel refreshed when I come home to watch Grey's Anatomy on Sunday night, my favorite show. But then, who really knows?
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