I've decided to collect ineffective but humorous pick up lines that haven't yet become cliches. Here are some to start you off. Feel free to add.
I wanna have your baby, I mean, Hi. My name is (fill in the blank).
Let's have sex right now.
I like art.
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85 comments:
if you were a booger i'd pick you
nice pants. they'd look better on my floor.
i lost my address can i go home with you?
i lost my phone number, can i have yours?
if you are the matrix, i am the one.
all the pretty girls play sweeper.
can i buy you a drink?
No.
I already bought it.
I have to drive.
You can stay with me.
have another beer
did i tell you that you are beautiful?
No.
Oh. Um. You are beautiful.
Thanks.
well...
Bye.
baby, you must be tired because you've been racing through my mind all night!
do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk by again?
I know that some of these are cliches but i like pick up lines. they are so amusing!
Do you believe in the US Army?
(Oh yes, they really do exist...)
(shouted from another boat)
AHOY!!!
I'm from China!!
Can I borrow your plunger?
It's probably just the beer talking... but you're actually kindof... pretty.
So, what's a nice place like this doing with... um... ok let me start over.
Hey! Where da party at?
Do you actually know what that means?
Hey pretty lady.. heeeeeeey pretty lady... you wanna see what I got? Yeah I think you do... Hey pretty lady... I know you can hear me.. heeeey pretty lady! Over here!
You didn't actually go to that college. (When I'm wearing my undergrad sweatshirt)
On Gaurd!!
(I was wearing my fencing team jacket)
Hey, I know a guy who went there! When did you graduate? (When I'm wearing the shirt from my women's college)
Wanna see me do a trick?
Hey you look like the right kind of girl, where can you buy beer in this town?
You know what we do with bad girls like you? We spank them, for being naughty!
So, we meet again.
Here, hold my shirt. I'll be right back.
You know, you really remind me of this girl I used to date. I was always sorry I didn't persue her. She was smart, and pretty, and she always read really great books. That was how I met her, actually, I was in the Philosophy section of Barnes and Nobles, I'm a philosophy major at Duke and I'm writing my thesis on the soul of the woman in Liebniz, Descartes, and Kant, it's really interesting because I feel that they are oppressed, and she was standing there reading some huge thick book and really impressed me and I said that I was a philosophy student and wanted to buy her a cup of coffee and talk about what she had been reading because I'm very interested in the role of women in philosophy, I think they are under-represented but really have been a driving force since the very beginning. Just think about it, the first philosophy we had was mother earth, right? And that's a woman thing....
here hold my pants, i'll be right back...
you don't by chance practice criminal law do you?
ppssst. gringa....psssst....
I'm not actually in this frat yet but i'm going to try again next year. third time's the charm right?
i'm a pilot. wanna test my flight stick?
Hi. this is the wheatridge fire department.
Ummm - how did you get my number?
yeah...um...what are you doing tonight?
Dude..its 1am and i don't know you...
Yeah but I've seen you around and didn't have the nerve to ask you out in person...
Hi. wanna help me steal this watermelon?
Your name rhymes with heaven.
will you burn me a mix tape (damnit i mean CD)
Where are the ladies?! I NEED A BLOW JOB!!! Where are the ladies?
I like you better when you drink, here have another one.
(shouted at a stoplight) Hey I'll pay you if I can watch!
nice writing, give me a kiss
Hey Jennifer, it's me!
(the morning of my 18th birthday, I was young and dumb...)
Hi, I'm a journalist writing a book about domination, and your friend Jen gave me your phone number.
Jen who?
I doan know, but I met her at a bar and she said you'd be interested. I'll be your slave for the weekend. Let me describe in detail some of the things I've done....
I don't know anyone named Jen
...and then they walked me through a frat party, naked, on a leash, with a spiked leather dog collar....
Do you mean JANE? Cause I know a Jane
...and this other girl tied me up and whipped me. I have pictures of all of this. I'll do anything. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you some.
Well, I doan really want to whip anyone. Will you do my homework for me?
...yeah I'll do anything. This one girl locked me in her room, naked, for the whole weekend, and I had to write a paper for her.
Ok, well what classes have you taken? I have a biology lab report due on Monday. But on second thought, I better not - that would probably violate the academic honour code.
You lost your friend? Lets go back and look for her in your hotel room...
ARRRRRGH you free saturday night (from a pirate)
if you marry me i'll buy you a puppy
I bet you are a really good cuddler.
do you know how to put on a sari? I can help show you if you wanna meet me after i get off...(from an indian police officer)
You are worth at least 30 cows... (from the masai)
Me: Who is the extra drink for
Guy: You
Me: Do i look like a lush or something?
Guy: No you look like the girl i've had my eye on all night...
Me: um...right
Guy: I can give you free steak any time you want...
Me: Um, I have to go to the bathroom now. Bye.
Guy: Do you wanna dance?
Girl: Um, I'm just resting right now.
Guy: Come on.
Girl: I just wanna sit for a few minutes.
Guy: Let's just dance for a few minutes.
Girl:...(where the hell is Stephanie anyway?!)
Guy:...
Girl:... (why is he still here?)
Guy:...
Girl:...(maybe I was unclear) Well, I have to go find my friend now. Bye.
The completely non verbal pick up:
Guy: gestures from 5 rouws down, do you want a beer?
Girl: turns wround to see who he is gesturing at.
Guy: YOU. Do YOU want a beer?
Girl: Oh, no thanks. I don't drink beer. (I am an idiot)
Seven minutes in heaven round!
Guy: Smile. You look so angry.
Girl: Oh, sorry, this is just my face. (smiles warily)
Guy: where do you live?
me: on campus
Guy: need a ride
Me: no.
Pause.
Guy: so do you live around here?
me: yeah, on campus
Guy: oh. i can give you a ride.
Me: No.
Pause.
Guy: I can give you a ride home if you live nearby.
Me: No thanks. I live on campus.
Pause...
This went on for a while.
Guy: (Who knows what he said. I didn't hear him ask me anything)
Girl:... (looking out on the ocean for whales.)
Guy:(something else she didn't hear)
Girl: Oh, there's one!
Guy:...
Girls parents later at lunch: um, that guy totally tried to talk to you and you never answered him.
Girl: What guy? The cute one? He was there with his girlfriend.
Parents: No, that was his mom. He was trying to talk to you.
Girl: Crap.
You aren't my girlfriend but i think by the end of the night you will be.
I'm the manager of the band. wanna come to a party?
want some cornnuts?
how does your mom feel about you dating an alcoholic?
guy: you are my girlfriend
me: no i'm not
guy: yes you are so stop cheating on me
me: we never dated and never will
guy: stop being so mean
Old guy: I've finally got you in the back where I want you.
girl: um, yeah, but I have my dogs here to protect me.
Old guy: Oh, they won't bite me.
girl: (scared smile)
You are a vegan? I'll have to remember that when i take you out to dinner next week
me (walking along in a snowy field)
girl on rugby team full on tackles me
me: Ow.
Girl: haha. lets wrestle
Me: i'm cold and covered in snow and all my books ar ruined. wtf is wrong with you
girl: throws snowball
me: runs away
girl: chases me
I got a prince albert today. you should come over and see it.
i just got arrested for violating parole but can i call you when i get out?
Where the FUCK is my CD? I asked you for it, like 24 hours ago.
if you worked out you'd be hot!
i'm going back to my hotel. should i wait up for you?
you are old school hard core
Hey, can I get your phone number? Thanks, my brother wants to ask you out.
you have the best f-n shirt in this whole f-n place (it was loud and i was confused but that is the gist (sp?) of the line...
rumor has it that you have jumper cables...
please be careful in europe. I'd be sad if you got arrested and didn't come back next year
i used to think for a girl to be cute she had to be skinny and blond but you've totally redefined my definitions
you look like an angel. i hope god kills you before satan gets you.
Me: "Security!"
You are from colorado? I used to live in colorado...actually i stood naked under the bridges there...
whereabouts are you from in colorado?
guy: my friend really likes you...
me: he is making out with my friend...
are you looking for a six? (commenting about my necklace #9)
it's U.... ps
i wanted to thank you for the cd. i didn't really like it but i appreciate the effort
i slipped roofies into your drinks at dinner and soon i'll have my pick of the litter...
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