Mara Goes to Switzerland

OK, seriously, I have no idea how we didn't miss our flight. We left too late from the hotel really, although at the scheduled time. Then the driver decided he would take every little backroad known to man, so it took an hour and 20 minutes to get to Hethrow when my dad had planned on about 45 minutes. He was having a nervous breakdown, which caused me to get very stressed, and mom walks soooooo slow so I didn't see how this was going to happen. Then the computer would only check them in and so I had to get in some other line, which did NOT move! By the time I got to the front, my parents had checked their backs and gotten boarding passes and sent mom through security. Luckily, the guy gave me a fasttrack sticker because my parents had them, and then we ran to security ourselves, where we met this evil, evil woman who said we could only walk through that point with one bag per person, even though one of our bags was mom's, who was gone, and the other was a camera. But nope...we could not pass. She had no concern whatsoever for our plight, AT ALL. We basically crammed our two biggest bags sooooo tight that they wouldn't close, all the while freaking out because the flight was leaving in 30, no make that 25 minutes, and then..........they pulled my bag to search!!! I HATE THE BRITISH! And, of course, my bag was in a line behind tis woman who was clearly a terrorist because they had to SLOWLY scower every inch of her HUGE carry-on, and then her hsbands, both of whom were in no hurry to get anywhere so they just sprawlled out on the tables and carefully repacked, which kept them from being able to check my bag because you can only have one person's stuff on the table at a time. Finally the British Airways chic chewed out the other lady and grabbed her crap and moved it aside because she knew I was late, or maybe just because she hated that couple as much as my dad and I did, and she told me I could pack up. I was much faster at it...and then we ran. Thank god we had sent mom ahead to the gate or she'd never have made it, and she kept them from cancelling us off the flight. I was runnin and I heard some guy call for a "Ms. Guertin for Zurich!" And I waved and yelled back for dad to run and we panted up to the counter where suddenly everyone got very polite and friendly again and told usto relax, and breathe, and not to hurry. Seriously?! I am freaking out. My hearts is pountding, I can't breathe, and I am absolutely fucking amazed we made it and that the plane is still here. My dad is bleeding from his hand because he was attacked by his bags in security, and now it's on his shirt. I hate flying.

Once on the plane, i sat with the little air thingy pointed at me and tried not to frighten my neighbors with excessive breathing and sweating. After we took off, Elizabeth, a New York, actress who is orginially from Canada but who started out in LA, and really should have gone to LA at 18 instead of getting and MBA and Law degrees first, apparently for her mother, introduced herself and then told me all about her crazy three-day trip to see her "boyfriend" who she knew now she had to end it with because he wants sommeone to fly all over for short trips to meet him while he's on business so he can spend very little on them (because he is Jewish, apparently) and get married even though he barely knows them, and text them all the time because he is very clingy. She was sort of hilarious, but likeable. Very New York. But whatever. I just can't believe we made it!

London: Day 3 or 4

Tis morning, I arose too early, had free continental at the hotel (that's for you, Stephanie) and then we jumped in a car to go to Kew Gardens. It was a BEAUTIFUl day, 75 degrees and blue skies. We strolled and took pictures, and I chased geese around for a while. Then we had lunch. They even had hummus sandwiches and scones with clotted creme and jam. Mmmmmm. Then we caught the car back home, which took forever and ever and ever b/c London traffic is horrible in the afternoons. And out driver, who seemed nice enough for half the trip tunred out to be a bitter, London hating guy who wouldn't stop complaining. I blame Dubai, because he was OK until he told us how great Dubai was, which reminded him how not great London is, apparently, because I like it just fine. We saw this book in the store tonight titled Everything is Shit, and we thought of him.

We dropped mom off at the hotel and dad and I headed off to buy travel books for Switzerland, and drugs from Boots. We took the subway, a remarkably unwise thing to do at 5:30pm. About a billion other people were there, and the trains were packed with hot people, and we had to fight our way inside. Then, on the way back, I passed through this crowd of people heading four different directions. It was vaguely like driving around the Arc de Triuph from what I could tell looking down on it. I found the escalator and made my escape. Phew... still sweating. Now the parents are speed napping and then we're off to see the Lady From Dabuque, starring Maggie Smith. It's a good thing she was in it or we'd never be going. I'd be in line for the SOund of Music. The hilllllllllllls are alive....with the sound of muuuuuuusic...

London: Day 2 and 3

Yesterday, I woke up at 4:00 am and made it until 9:00, at which point I fell asleep for four hours. It was delightful. Then I made my way in the rain to the tube to pick up our theatre tickets. Some person had been run over by a train on the Picadilly line, so i had to switch trains and wander all over to gte back home. We went to the portrait gallery, then had Italian for dinner and ended te night with Spamalot, which was Heeee-larious! Lancalot was gay...in the show, and a total hotty. Gwenivere was great, and mocked Celine Dion with much enthusiasm. There was even a fish slapping song about Sweden. Then we walked the half-mile home, which took over 20 minutes because my mom's foot is so messed up from a fall she had over a month ago. I went to sleep, woke up at 3:30 am, but after an hour fell back asleep, winning me the award for most awake in the Guertin family today.

Today, breakfast at the hotel after admiring the totally cute concierges (Robert and ?? with two names) as dad gave them tasks. LOVE them both...so cute! Then we headed off to the Monet exhibit at another museum. It was almost all made u of his sketches and pastels. He also used to do characatures of people, and made lots of money at it. He said if he'd stuck at it, he would have been a millionaire. The irony. Then we went to the Eye, where I got sort of motion sick, but it was very cool to see the city, and the technology of the Eye itself was fairly amazing too. Next, we went to a book store, dept. store, adn the park, and finshed the afternoon off with tea at the Lanesburough. Fabulous, daaling! Back at the hotel, parents tooka four hour nap and I slept for 2, finished my book, showered, adn then met up with them for dinner across the street. Waiter looked like an Iralian Hugh Grant. I could barely understand him, but it didn't much matter. I just smiled and admired him. I had a banana toffee cheesecake that was to die for, and now we're back at the hotel, preparing to be tired enough to get some sleep before we head off to Kew Gardens tomorrow. Then, it's off to Switzerland on Thursday am. Hurray!

Chatty Cathy

United rep: "You're reservation has been cancelled and the flight is full."

Dad: What!? &^%%)*!!!!!!

and hour and 10 minutes later, we all had seats on the plane, me in economy plus (thank god!) and my parents in business class. It was a slight downgrade for them, but waaaay better than missing London. They still got ice cream and free booze, and even had foot rests for their chairs.

My neighbor on the airplane started by saying I wouldn't have to worry because he would probably sleep the whole flight and would try hard not to lean on me. I said it was OK so long as he didn't drool. He didn't stop talking to me for 3 hours. I don't know his name, but he is a border control agent who lives in Arizona, and he likes the job because it allows him to support his National Guard habit. He watches Fox News. He likes deporting illegal aliens, chasing them through the desert. Especially the women who cross just to give birth. I believe they're called anchor babies, according to the last eposide of Boston Legal. He is married and his wife teaches 1st grade.

Once I got over being completely mortified that I was sitting next to a hall-monitor Republican, he turned out to be more rational and interesting than I thought...and cute...for an older guy. (Stephanie, you'd go ahead and call him old.) But the, I sort of go for them, don't I?

Slept uncomfortably off and on for 4 hours, stared at the seat back in front of me for two hours. Exited plane. Got grilled by the customs lady, who seemed to imply that because we didn't know the name of the district our hotel was in, we might be terrorists. She was good at sounding accusatory. She softened up when I said we were going to see Spamalot and told her there was a pizza place across from our hotel, and a bookstore next door. Mara, the drug mule, made it through!

Now I am blogging because if I nap like my parents are doing I'll never get up for dinner, which is going to be Indian food. Mmmmm.

I miss my dog.

Genius

Sometimes I check my blog just like I check everyong else's, like I am expecting it to be updated with something new even though I never put anything here. I'd say I am not all there these days. And apparently Manky's blog has spread school wide, and I used to be a link, so I suspect I have a reputation as the boringest person ever. Now who will vote for me when I run for state senate?! Sad.

Anyway, I've survived Bus Ass and Education law finals so far. Just two more to go, but the ever horrifying Con law is one of them, so wish me luck.

PS: the dog is going crazy. The neighbor kids broke my bedroom window with their basketball. ^&%^%$^&@ basketball! Ruins every nap and now things are broken too! Oh, and Stephanie and I are moving again. Dad agreed to throw in some more for rent so we don't have creepy people on our porch at 3:00 am. Thank god for dogs. I also have a crush on Mike from the dog park and am trying to be positive. Stephanie is trying to coach me, but her affirmations use slang I am unfamiliar with so I keep forgetting them. I am supposed to say something like, "Damn, that's tasty! I want a piece of me..." or something like that, only funnier and potentially hotter. For know I'll stick with "I am.....SOMEBODY! I am....SOMEBODY!"

Say it with me! I am....SOMEBODY!