Aaaaaaah, Yeah.

I am right on schedule. I lost just over 3 pounds last week. If I stick to it and my modifications to the plan work, I will be back where I started by October 12th. Woot woot!

Checking In

I have one more day left in week one of my weight loss plan. I haven't weighed myself in 2 days, so I can't give you that update yet, but Im doing okay. I pretty much want to eat everything in sight, and I really, REALLY want a Sprinkles cupcake, but i'm still doing okay. The trick is not surviving these few weeks anyway. It's surviving all the weeks after. Next week I have to figure out what I am going to do for weeks 3 and 4, because I did not like week 3 last time. Maybe I'll do it the way they say just to see. It can't kill me.

I have passed up all sorts of delicious things, like the most amazing piece of pizza I have seen in a long time. I could definitely tell last night that I would've eaten a lot of bad things at my parents' if I hadn't had such a strict set of rules. I need to figure out how to deal better with this once I'm off the plan.

A Bad Idea, Take 2

Back in April I had a bad idea to drop 10 pounds in 3 weeks following a plan I found in one of my magazines. It was a crash diet, of course, but with healthy food. I was frustrated from being stuck at 147-150 lbs. Really frustrated. And thus began my downfall.

I did very well on the first two weeks of the plan. I lost about 7 points, almost a full size, and have some pictures to prove it. But then the third week was lame, and I quit, and then I REALLY quit. All the control, the motivation, the mental framework I had been living with for the prior 16 months was gone. I went on a trip and gained 5 pounds. Went on another trip and gained 5 more. I kept eating and eating. I felt compelled. I created plan after plan, reset my goals over and over, and then I finally gave in and bought some clothes in the next size up.

Today I'm right around 164, and I've been reigning myself in, but I'm discouraged. I have gained so much weight and losing it won't be nearly as easy. That's why I am liking the plan, even though it didn't work out so well last time. It's a way to get myself back into a size 10 quickly, and take control permanently. NO. It has to become my favorite word again. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Okay, thinner.

I am really excited about the once-dreaded 147-150 range.

New Goals

Last week I ran 15 miles, a personal record for me. I'm getting less slow, just under 12 minutes/mile on average. This morning the scale read 146.1, also a personal record. So I am making a little wager with myself that I can get down to 140 by April. The trick will be to run 14-16 miles a week and keep eating the way I have been for the last week - lean and 1600 calories max/day. I will also be more rigorous with strength training, and I must work out at least 5 days/week. I will be at Vegas for a few days, and there is plenty of tasty food there. It is the one place I let myself eat pasta. Fortunately, I am taking a vegan, so I may be able to avoid Italian altogether. Still, if I do all of this and limit my splurges to the 3 days in Vegas, I should be good to go. So let's see if it works. If it does...i will do something nice for myself, perhaps buy a new pair of jeans?

Shitty Shitty Day

Ugh.....Double ugh!

Why is it that when all hell breaks loose all I want to do is eat everything and anything I can get my hands on? Why is it that when I need to work out and get rid of my stress, I always forget my gym shirt? Why is it that even when is it that when I most need company I am the least pleasant person for my friends to be around? Why is it that even when I haven't eaten everything in sight and have worked out 3/5 days I still feel horrible and guilty for taking this horrible horrible day off?

UGH!

Plateau's Suck!

I am more than a little bitter about the fact that I cannot get below 149. Grrrr. I am clearly going to have to try harder, but my mental reserves are low right now. I cannot give up though.

Eyes on the prize. This will be me in 12 months.

Resolve

Last year on January 6th I started watching what I ate. After a few months I added exercise at the school gym. In September I joined a real gym and two months ago I added strength training and weights. On January 6th I weighed approximately 178 pounds, but who really knows because I forgot to weigh myself for a week or two. Today I weigh 150.5 pounds.

It has been a great year. I have plateaued a few times, but I am wearing a size I haven't worn since middle school. I am stronger, thinner, and more confident than I have been in a long, long time. But I have a long way to go. This year I plan on going the rest of the way, to whatever size and weight I'll be when I am finally thin. I will be strong. I will be able to run 3, 10 minute miles. I will have a hot glut-ham tie in and toned abs. I will look damn good on Halloween, and I will not pass out before I have a rockin' good time with my best friends, Chris and Stephanie.

I will be a better friend, a stronger me inside and out. I will meditate more and spend time with the saints. I will feel less guilty when I don't do what I think I should. I will be less passive aggressive and more direct, even when the potential consequences are terrifying to me. I will stand up for myself, but I will also let go more. What is, is. I will feel what I feel. I will want what I want. I will be happy no matter what happens.

Wish me luck... but I don't think I am going to need it.